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Not being able to trust my own mind
Something I hate most right now about living with BPD is not being able to trust my own mind. I don’t even know how to explain this, although I do know that a lot hurts in my head right now, … Continue...
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What breaks my heart
I had a good night out for my birthday. Mostly. Very. Despite what happened on Friday, my tactic yesterday was to focus on my night out. And it mostly worked. Yet at one point, over four hours into the...
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A sign of quite how flat I feel today
I’ve gone several weeks at a time this year without the ability to blog. It seems that one way of getting the blogging ability back is to have a mini mental breakdown. So yay for that. I noticed...
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Might there finally be some hope of the right help?
Today was much more bearable. Despite its potential for being the trigger of the decade. Thought I was feeling content during the day. Seems I am just as flat as I had been yesterday. For now, I’m...
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I have (cautious) hope
Today I have hope. Cautious hope, but hope nonetheless. Yesterday I had cautious optimism about meeting the psychologist. In my eyes, optimism and hope are very different. Hope is better. I’m very glad...
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I wish people understood borderline personality disorder
I wish people understood borderline personality disorder. I’m not talking about really properly understanding it. And I’m not talking about professionals. I’m talking about people generally. I wish...
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Desperately scared of being judged as not needing help
Tonight my mind went into overdrive. Thinking too much about things said / discussed in therapy yesterday. The usual – over-thinking, over-analysing, and a little bit of catastrophising and rejection...
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How an episode of self-harm brings the desire back so strongly
Trigger warning – obviously. The type of post which many say should be marked with a trigger warning, but then again the clue is in the title I like to think that I know a lot about my mental health....
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Belated birthday musings 2014 (I need to believe)
Last Saturday, for some reason, I ended up reading old blog posts. In doing so, I discovered that I had written a ‘Birthday musings‘ on my birthday in both 2012 and 2013. I didn’t do this for my...
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The opposite of rejection is really difficult too
I feel like I’m constantly learning more and more about myself and my mind. Which is certainly good in terms of things hopefully improving. But it can also be really difficult, confusing and painful. I...
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“Only as painful as you let it be.”
Well, despite just 3 appointments so far with the new psychologist, things are looking quite positive on that front. No matter how much training any person has done in psychology, it’s not that...
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7th of July, the fourth
Anniversaries seem to be important to me. Well, some more than others. Good anniversaries at least. I like to celebrate milestones, mark things. 7th July is an important day for me. I suspect it always...
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Accepting the horrendousness
A lot of people struggle to accept their mental illness, but it’s not something that I ever really remember me having much difficult with. Once I recognised its existence that is. I had read about...
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Accepting my own survival
After the last therapy session I wrote about the difficulty of accepting the horrendousness of my own past. This is something I hope will come with time. Something which I don’t particularly want to...
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Suicide prevention is not just about preventing suicides
Suicide prevention is not just about preventing suicides. You might be wondering how that even makes sense. Of course, suicide prevention is about preventing deaths by suicide. But there is so much...
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